Fool me once shame on you...

Fool me twice shame on me...

What is it about love? Or the promise of love? that makes one loose their mind, their senses and in some cases their cognitive abilities? I had everything packed up. Two neat bags full of unnecessary reminders of a relationship ended. I was to drop them off while he was out...he got the stomach flu and he was home.

He sent me a text stop in and say hi when you drop the stuff off. I said no (emphatically)! I said I'd cry. He said he just needed to see me. please.

So I did. We talked and talked and cried and cried. Then cried and cried and talked and talked. I drove away, ending it again. I was about to turn onto my road but I couldn't; I came back. He said he loves me and can't do it with out me.

So here we are back together. He's asleep, sick in the other room. I'm going to work. I'll let you know how this one plays out...

I'm okay ...You're okay

I've had several friends/family members say to me after reading my blog; it will be okay...hang in there. I just want everyone to know that for the record, I'm doing okay. I mean yes, I've been better, but I'm hanging in there. I get up, I get the kids up and out, I go to work, I smile, I laugh, I go to the beach, I drive with the convertible top down, I imbibe the occasional margarita, I'm enjoying life. :)

Please know that although it may not seem so, I'm somewhat happy with the path life has taken me. Don't get me wrong, I never wanted to get divorced and be raising 2 kids basically on my own; but now I can see some of the major things I sacrificed for my marriage. I don't think all marriages involve such one sided sacrifices; not at least the good ones. Anyway, I'm finding myself again; and at 35 I'm a whole different person than I was at 26.

So for anyone who's asking, I'm okay.

Packing up is hard to do...

So, I'm at that awkward point at the end of the relationship when you pack up your ex-partners "stuff". You know the stuff that just accumulates when you are IN a relationship...bathing suits, socks, books, magazines, t-shirts and the like. Maybe the books should have been my first clue that it wasn't going to work. Disarming the Narcissist, Blood Rites, The Power of Body Language, Stumbling onto Happiness, Raising the Bi-Polar Child, and so on aren't the books of a man who has found peace in his life. The books and Fortune magazines have been packed up nicely in a Nordstrom Bag. His pillows (didn't like mine) are by the door as well.The clothes and shoes have been neatly folded and are awaiting the yet to be scheduled exchange.

The things I'm left wondering about what to do with include the following:

1. 2 half bags of black licorice (I hate black licorice).
2. The coffee maker he bought for my house (since mine wasn't good enough).
3. The slip-n-slide he bought for Noah's birthday (I know, sweet gesture at the time)
4. The 5 various flavored quart-size containers of half eaten ice-cream.
5. The deli, Dijon, Merlot & shallot flavored mustards that I bought specifically for his weird mustard fetish (fetish as in food but still, the man loves mustard).
6. A collection of slightly used golf balls my kids gathered for him in our backyard (sounds silly but 20 or so Pro-V1s are in high demand here in Naples)
7. His toothbrush.

I think I'll toss the candy, ice cream & toothbrush; enjoy the coffemaker and mustard and hit the Pro-V1s myself. I'm still debating the slip-n-slide. I mean it's pretty cool and he lives in a condo.......

Meow...Crazy Cat Woman

I guess that is now me. I have 3 cats. I'm single. I'm a woman. It's a slippery slope once you have more cats than people living in your house.

I like cats. I hate cat boxes. When I got pregnant my then husband took over litter box duty. You know toxio-what-ever-plosis. That disease that women can get from handling cat poop. Well any way, as you can imagine I never took that job back! Now no husband, means no pooper scooper.

I tried to encourage the kids to take responsibility and clean the cat box. To no avail. SO the job falls back to me. I do it less than I should. It's gross. I had a hard enough time changing diapers so animal poop is even worse. ick.

Change...

They say change is good. First of all, who are "they" and how much change is "good"?? In the past day I broke up with my boyfriend and found out that my ex-husband is moving back up North in, oh 2 days. There go the once a week relaxing nights with no kids, as well as the once a week date nights...

hmm, so now I am truly a single mom, raising 2 kids by myself..

any advice?

Oh to blog...

I've been told that I'm a good story teller, that I'm funny and can make people smile just by sharing an anecdote or joke. I've also been told that with the excitement, drama, and fun I've had in the last year I should write a book..so instead of a book...a blog was born.

I used to be a wife, part of a team, a great host, a gourmand, a photographer, an engineer, a mom, a gardener, a friend, a companion, a sister, a daughter, a soccer player...

Now, I'm a mom. A single mom. A divorced mom. A working mom. A mom over 30, okay okay I'm 35. An exhausted, overwhelmed, and sometimes scared mom. And these are the things that define me now. What happened to the photographer? the gourmand? the sister? She got lost in the shuffle and I'm trying to find her again.

I spent the first year after separating from my husband, falling in and out of love with a great man. After a year of courtship and romance, his pending (yes pending) divorce still lingers over us like a dark cloud on a picnic day. I joke with him (as much as one can joke about divorce), your divorce will take years...he insists this is not so...but we're entering year 2 and not one meeting with both lawyers!

What to do? What to do? What to do? Parents and close friends respond, drop him! Be single! Enjoy being alone!! Date! Everyone (not actually everyone, but most everyone who listens to me) says that I started dating too soon...I need to be alone...I need to find myself. The funny thing is, before my husband left me, I thought I knew exactly who I was and how my life was going to turn out!

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