How is it that my 7 year old son has more anger in him than I do? I mean I'm the one who is 35 (almost 36), single, starting over, basically single mother of 2, NOT getting child support, back to work and broke...
I thought I'd done my best to protect him from the whole situation. The break up. The divorce. All the changes....I did my best to make the changes as small and as non-disruptive as possible. But here we are 1.5 years after the split and he still cowers before men...even my father who would not hurt a fly and he is still scared of my dad...
He loses complete control when things don't go exactly as planned and tells me "I don't know why I get so angry but when I do, ...I can't stop it.."
What do you do with that?
We're doing counseling. Family therapy (sans dad b/c he feels the whole thing is bull-shit (his words not mine). He told me (and I quote) "any problems with the boy can be solved in about 20 minutes with a serious beating". My thoughts. Not. Going. To Happen.
What next? What should I do? His therapist is recommending removing all custodial rights from his father. Is that the right thing? I use to love his dad, I use to think he was a good man...and now...I don't know. I'm not sure about anything other than I'll do anything to keep my kids safe and try to make them happy...
Friday, May 29, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Tuesday....the cleaning lady comes...
The other day my boyfriend (yes, I call him that now!) went into the garage to get a soda out of the icebox. He came back in and said I was living in squalor. SQUALOR!! Now not that I'm sensitive or anything, or feel overwhelmed just in the everyday nuances of feeding, bathing, and dressing 2 children,working full-time, taking care of house, dealing with a foreclosure, etc, but I started crying. Ok, not big fat alligator tears, more like, oh my, is this my life, tears.
So...there might be a bit of truth in his statement; but the truth hurts. I haven't unpacked all the boxes in the garage from my move since the "split with the ex- husband". Well, maybe that's not exactly true, I've unpacked them a little, bringing the stuff I needed into the house and leaving the rest strewn about the garage. OK point in case, my daughter just came into the office (I am not making this up!) with a pyrex measuring cup, a coffee cup, a box of tile grout, a random key, one quarter, two rolls of Christmas wrapping paper and the tassel from my high school graduation. I am not kidding, this really, really did just happen. Again, the truth hurts.
On a similar note, it was probably just a week or so ago that I finally brought in my engagement ring and wedding ring from the garage (they were sitting in a box of un-needed bathroom supplies!)
So more about the squalor of the garage..maybe the cats did poop in the garage AND maybe I hadn't quite had a chance to clean it up before he went into the garage. AND maybe there was a bag or two of trash and recyclables that had not quite made to the street YET. But I wouldn't quite say squalor.
Maybe, now in retrospect, squalor might be an accurate adjective....Mind you I said maybe!
A discussion of my inability to accept help ensued. He had offered me several weeks ago to hire a cleaning lady to come and do a solid cleaning of the house. I never called the woman. It's just weird. I don't know, I feel weird about him paying for someone to clean my house. He says its the least he can do. He says he knows I'm overwhelmed with so many other things, let him do this for me...and still I don't call. WHAT is wrong with me!??!?!? So after his journey into the garage, he made the call and she is coming Tuesday at 9 am. Oh shit, I'm going to have start cleaning soon so the house is not a total embarrassment when she shows up! I let you know how operation clean house goes.
So...there might be a bit of truth in his statement; but the truth hurts. I haven't unpacked all the boxes in the garage from my move since the "split with the ex- husband". Well, maybe that's not exactly true, I've unpacked them a little, bringing the stuff I needed into the house and leaving the rest strewn about the garage. OK point in case, my daughter just came into the office (I am not making this up!) with a pyrex measuring cup, a coffee cup, a box of tile grout, a random key, one quarter, two rolls of Christmas wrapping paper and the tassel from my high school graduation. I am not kidding, this really, really did just happen. Again, the truth hurts.
On a similar note, it was probably just a week or so ago that I finally brought in my engagement ring and wedding ring from the garage (they were sitting in a box of un-needed bathroom supplies!)
So more about the squalor of the garage..maybe the cats did poop in the garage AND maybe I hadn't quite had a chance to clean it up before he went into the garage. AND maybe there was a bag or two of trash and recyclables that had not quite made to the street YET. But I wouldn't quite say squalor.
Maybe, now in retrospect, squalor might be an accurate adjective....Mind you I said maybe!
A discussion of my inability to accept help ensued. He had offered me several weeks ago to hire a cleaning lady to come and do a solid cleaning of the house. I never called the woman. It's just weird. I don't know, I feel weird about him paying for someone to clean my house. He says its the least he can do. He says he knows I'm overwhelmed with so many other things, let him do this for me...and still I don't call. WHAT is wrong with me!??!?!? So after his journey into the garage, he made the call and she is coming Tuesday at 9 am. Oh shit, I'm going to have start cleaning soon so the house is not a total embarrassment when she shows up! I let you know how operation clean house goes.
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